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Name: McKaye
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
Birthday: 8/20/1987
Interests: The flowers you gave me are rotting and still I refuse to throw them away.
Some of the bulbs never opened quite fully
They might so i'm waiting and staying awake.
Things I have loved i'm allowed to keep
I'll never know if I go to sleep.
The papers around me are piling and twisting regina the paper back mummy
what then.
I'm taking the knife to the books that I own and chopping and chopping and boiling soup from stone.
Things I have loved i'm allowed to keep.
I'll never know if I go to sleep.
Things I have loved i'm allowed to keep.
I'll never know if I go to sleep.
Expertise: (i want you to make love not war, i know you've heard it before.)
Occupation: Artist
Message: message me
AIM:  ihavea squarejaw
AIM:  soldiers inarow
AIM: ihavea squarejaw
AIM: soldiers inarow
AIM: ihavea squarejaw
Member Since:
11/18/2003
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| we still look across the room at eachother and stare
stare into our eyes reflecting from the poorly lit room.
and we drink whiskey to try adn warm our hearts
and we sit and dont speak and nurse our wounds
puffing on our ciggarettes.
thinking things should be better,
this really isnt any way for a person to live.
i bit my lip,
licking the left over whiskey from teh inside of my mouth
im always shifting into uncertainty.
and drawing conclusions of things that never will be
but i cant accept how things have become
[and] its why im stuck in this inbetween state
of living and death.
and its why really when im laying curled up in a little ball on one side of the bed,
i turn over slowly and take up enough room for two people.
i cant accept that im alone
that in my heart there is no one elses blood pumping...
there is no one holding my hair back when ive drank too much whiskey.
i smoke my ciggarettes alone.
i drink my whiskey alone.
i sleep alone.
i cry alone.
i think alone.
i have nightmares alone.
the night never consumes me,
im trapped in an inbetween state of sleep and awake.
its only when the sun comes up and touches my skin through
my fading curtains that i can curl up in that little ball
and have empty dreams filled with white fog.
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| and.. the memories have been twisted
but its the same thing
that happens to me
over and over
and
over
again.
i miss you
and i miss you
number one and number two
maybe one and a half
its an odd sensation that happens to me in my dreams
but i keep on dreaming about you
and i dont know what it means
i dont know if i should scream
or fight
or just keep on dreaming
and i dont know weather or not its for real
but for some reason i keep on holding on to you
you have always been unatable ot me.
i had you
and i let you go
and i had you and i let you go
and i always tell you i love you
but what does that really mean.
what does that really mean.
i dream of you over and over and
over and over.
and i cant keep you out of my head
and it hurts it really hurts my heart
and i cant explain it
but youve always been right there but
i know
i know
i know
that in my heart
it could never just be us
youd have to have someone
someone else to excite you.
i dont excite you
not all of the time
and it kills me
it really kills
me
and i hate it
i really, i really hate it.
but i dont know how to fix it
because i love someone else right now
but you are always there
you are always there in the back of my mind
spinnning and twisting there in the back of my mind
and there is not one day,
not one day that you dont cross my mind
i reallydont know what to do with that.
and nothing really helps
bc you arent responsive
and im really just not sure what to say to you
bc when i dream of you i feel like i should tell you
and when i tell you...
and i just dont know
i really just dont konw
i hate it, i really do hate it
because i remember
you would send notes with people to tell me that you loved me
[and] i ate up every moment of it.
and it really made me
and i dont know why i turned you down that last time
i dont know why i said no
but i think about it all the time
that if i said yes where would be
what would be
and i just dont know,
i just dont know how to act around you
ive never known what to say.
and i always say i love you
and it doesnt matter.
no it really doesnt matter.
and im going too fast now.
im going much too fast now.
i cant stop it
i cant fight it.
and im sorrry.
im just really so sorry.
that all i ever am is sorry.
and i just miss you
thats all it comes down too
i miss that feeling
and i miss you rubbing my legs and not
caring if they were shaved or not.
i miss it.
i really do miss it
i miss your lips
and i miss your voice.
and im [just] not sure what to do about it.
but i really just need to lay down now
and maybe just forget about [it].
or maybe just think about. it
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| -waking up in Taryn's bed
-riding in Taryn's car
-my life revolving around C and Lauren
-living in my bed
-being naive and innocent
-being 17
-laughing all the time
-smoking in my car
-all the Love.
-life being so easy but thinking it was hard.
- taking 53462784 pictures
-getting high w C
-our feasts
-our adventures
-playing with SheShe and C
-our Love.
| | |
| the only time i smile
is when im putting my blush on in the morning.
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| - the thought of publishing a book
- my hot pink [now black] chipped nails
- my cheetah shoes
- Rockstars
- never getting a tattoo
- the colour yellow
- but right now redredred!
- writting (writing) with sharpie
- knowing it's paradise city
but still singing it very last cit
because that's what i thought when
i was young and i just can't get it outo of my head
- JLo
- Doing my Spice Girl dances for Joey
- movin' 107.5
- my collection of notebooks
- my handwriting | | |
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